Brain Development

In the brain images shown above, all the areas that are NOT blue indicate the as-yet under-developed brain – all the way up to age 20. Our brains aren’t fully developed until around the mid-twenties  (Graphic is downloaded from PNAS 101: 8174-9, 2004)!

The parts of your brain that help you (1) to control your emotions, (2) make well-reasoned decisions, and even (3) to assess situations are simply NOT all there during your ‘formative’ years. Think about how many of your strongly held beliefs got based on very inadequate reasoning.

Concrete Thinking

This video demonstrates just how limited (concrete) childhood reasoning is. Now, consider how negative feedback in your childhood might’ve gotten explained (by you) using some really concrete ALL or NONE reasoning (i.e., It’s all my fault; I’m a failure). Even when we got positive feedback as children, we tend to use the ‘negative bias’ we formed from earlier learning. These explanations tend to harden into our core beliefs … about ourselves, others, and the world.

Taking Anothers Perspective

You have to reach a certain age before you ...

Predictors of relationship success (& failure)

In this video (just updated in 2018), Dr. John Gottman explains what decades worth of his research in the ‘love lab’ reveal. Find out exactly how he can predict with remarkable accuracy (in 15 minutes of observing a couple) whether they are relationship ‘masters’ or ‘disasters’ … and how you can become a ‘master’ at relationships yourself.

For much more about what works to help relationships, go to the Gottman Institute site. Or, just sign up for his newsletter.

What is EFT?

Building on Dr. Gottman’s work, Dr. Sue Johnson developed and scientifically tested Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It has significant empirical support for very good outcomes for couples. Dr. Johnson explains the exact process of what to expect in therapy in this video.

In the Washington DC area, I recommend that you look at this site to find “Certified EFT therapists” near you. And, you can find out more on Dr. Johnson’s site about EFT.  There’s a FIND a THERAPIST tab at the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally-Focused Therapy.

Hold Me Tight, the book written by Dr. Johnson, is a helpful self-help guide.  Also … Visit the HoldMeTight.com website for more information about the interactive online ...